Oh. Gawd. Not More Homework.

Winter Break is over and the stress of keeping the students in our household on task begins - not just for the kids, but for the parents.  We are basically halfway through the school year, and the simple habits and routines initiated in our household to keep up with the course work have seemingly jumped out the window. Yes, I have sketched out a routine and have tweaked it enough that even the laziest student should be ahead in his class.  But alas, even with the evolving flexibility, the attitude towards getting worked completed in a timely fashion is difficult to manage on most days.

 

One of my favourite books in high school was Walden Two by B. F. Skinner.  Assuming that most have read this popular book of my generation, the book describes a group of people set up in a fictional experimental community in the 1940s that encouraged a lifestyle of minimal consumption, rich social interactions, personal happiness and a life full of satisfying work and play.  One of the assets I gleamed from this book was that there is a healthy balance between work and play.  And this balance could be achieved through a feeling that what you say and do can come from worthwhile contributions to one's society and be rewarding at the same time. And without leading a huge debate on this cognitive process, I truly think that this teaching has taught me to better understand how our kids think, perceive, remember and learn.

Whilst I feel I have a good handle on how our kids manage through their course load, I have yet to figure out what motivates them. I have been blessed that I do not need to nag or prod our children to study and complete their projects. I have led by example by what is expected of them to become a successful person in society.  We have set realistic goals for grades and athletic prowess.  And for the most part, this helps during this time of adolescence turbulence and rebuffing of authority.  But for whatever reason, there is one in the bunch that sees no need to please his teachers or coaches.  He is not motivated by good grades, other students accomplishments or accolades from his school.  He renounces rewards and honors.  Heck, I've even tried a bag of Skittles - to no avail.

Why is it that so many students suffer so wide a breach between potential and performance? I cannot answer this question for the most of you but I can provide insight from our own home. Truthfully, we have carefully weighed the amount of pressure we parents can add by undue emphasis on achievement at the academic level.  We have taken inventory of the overall emotional status of our children after Mr. Blue Barn's coma which was an unavoidable life situation that has taken years of recovery and rebuilding. And we have ruled out physical causes for underacheivement.

But still, I receive telephone calls and e-mails from school stating that work is late, missing and the student is behind in class.

You know, I can buy all the agendas, corkboards and calendars to keep track of assignments.  I can hire tutors for certain classes and organise kitchen table study hall. However, none of this is going to alter the attitude of a learner who feels that he is capable of doing new things instead of simply repeating what other generations before him have done.

With that said, the level of emotional maturity that our children possess will provide them all the opportunities to learn if and when they are ready. If your child is not doing well in school and you have gone through the motions to check his academic strengths, his skillfulness towards each subject with his knowledge of learning and schoolwork is still a battleground, then the child will almost always win the battle of grades if he wishes and this pro-longed battle will only serve to delay self-motivation. Approaching his lack of motivation from another direction will hopefully help him recognise his active resistance and withdrawal.

So while I would love to enforce a few rules, set up a nurturing environment for learning and buy 5 pounds of Skittles, I am open to finding other methods that will allow our child to become aware of his potential and powers within himself as he seeks to develop and actualise these potentials.  I am confident that our child has a strong potential to reach this advanced level of motivation.  In the meantime, while I am learning how to deal with this ongoing, complex human situation, I must let go of my own needs for social approval and goal setting and embrace the amazing child that dwells among us.